Wedding Quotes
Quotes on weddings and marriage from a whole host of famous faces. Many of these quotes can be used in wedding speeches to get a laugh and relax the speaker.
Funny Wedding Quotes
Socrates
By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.
Jean Kerr
Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.
Grouch Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Marie Corelli
I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
Samuel Johnson
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
Cher
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him.
Robert Frost
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
Helen Rowland
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Before marriage a man will lay awake all night thinking about something you said, after marriage he'll fall asleep before you have finished saying it.
Oscar Wilde
The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.
No man should have a secret from his wife. She invariably finds it out.
Katherine Whitehorn
No nice men are good at getting taxis.
Catherine II of Russia
Men make love more intensely at twenty, but make love better however, at thirty.
Maryon Pearson
Behind every great man is a surprised woman.
Mae West
It's not the man in my life that count, it's the life in my men.
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
The Bible
Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing.
Dorothy Parker
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
Marcel Achard
Women like silent men, they think they are listening.
George Clooney
The great question... which I have not been able to answer.... is, "What does a woman want?
Bill Clinton
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
George W. Bush
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Tommy Lee
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Wedding Quotes from Famous Faces
George Bernard Shaw
Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.
Agatha Christie
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested in her he becomes.
Any woman can fool a man if she wants to and if he's in love with her
George Nathan
Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a particular brand of beer exactly to his taste, he should at once throw in his job and go to work in the brewery.
Marion Smith
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women.
Ogden Nash
All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
Jean Harlow
I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man.
Lee Majors
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Al Gore
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Socrates
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Mike Tyson
A woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Rudy Giuliani
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
Michael Jordan
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
Donald Trump
I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't. The third gave me more children!
Shaquille O'Neal
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Kobe Bryant
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
David Hasselhoff
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Alec Baldwin
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Barack Obama
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Anonymous
The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake.
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognised by the police.
A husband's last words should always be "OK buy it"
Nothing makes a good wife like a good husband.
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you have are two hearts and a diamond. By the end you'll wish you had a club and a spade.
Information on wedding anniversaries, wedding etiquette and wedding traditions can all be found on our wedding trivia page along with Gretna Green wedding history and the history of The Mill Forge.
